You Alone Are My Heart's Desire

🎼So my soul longs after You

You alone are my hearts desire

And I long to worship You

You alone are my strength, my shield

To You alone may my spirit yield

You alone are my hearts desire

And I long to worship You🎼

I’ve been pretty transparent about my journey and me holding on to faith even in the midst of my pain, but in the last few days I have been even more challenged. Is it right that I long to go to heaven because Jonathan is there? Shouldn’t I even more long to go to heaven to be with Jesus and worship him?

Am I really able to say as Psalm 42:1 and this hymn says, “You alone are my hearts desire and I long to worship You?”

I remember a few months ago on the way to school, J, K and I read about Abraham and Isaac and how he was asked by God to sacrifice his son. Abraham had complete faith that his job was obedience, everything else was up to God.

Today I started to think about all the time that I would be having with Jonathan right now with school being closed. I started again to think about the what if’s, to blame myself and others and my focus started to move from a healthy state of missing him to doubting that God’s will is supreme and He is working on my behalf.

I have been asking God lately, what is it that I need to learn during this time because I don’t want to miss this opportunity to grow, I don’t want to wander around in this wilderness for 40 years.

I think He is saying that He wants me to yearn for Him. Not to find fulfillment in myself, my marriage or even my children, but in the Creator, the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. 

What a day it will be when we get to be face to face with our God to worship Him and thanks be to our God that He supplied a way for families to be together again as well, if we choose to live our lives dedicated to Him. ❤️