Oh Come On Mom, I’m Just A Kid

I’ve been home today, cleaning with essential oils, tending to Katie bc she’s fighting a cold, and Alayna’s tanning and cleaning out the pool.

I keep thinking of different things Buddy would be saying to me as I’m working around the house. 

“Mom can I have a Nutella sandwich for lunch? And chips as my side? I had fruit this morning, oh come on Mom, I’m just a kid.” He was such a little negotiator.

Alayna put Charlie on the paddle board in the pool, Jonathan would have loved to be in there with them. And then he would have run around playing ball with Charlie.

I found 2 of his nerf guns out by the pool this morning, he loved those things and thought shooting his sisters was one of the best things in the world.

He would then be watching for the neighbors to come home and as soon as they did, “Can I go see if the neighbors want to play? Come on it’s nice outside and I don’t have to do homework bc it’s pretty much like we don’t have school for 14 days”. Then he would tell me how Spring break was on the 21st but bc of “the virus”(he would use air quotes) we have an extra week and how this was the best day ever! He was constantly counting down and checking off how many days until various events, always looking forward to everything life had to offer.

I keep putting more pictures of him around the house, this kid had barely any pictures before(3rd child syndrome and bad decorator mom syndrome). Now his face will he seen on almost every wall and table possible in every room.

This process is so hard sometimes, the hurt almost outweighs the happy memories. 

People remind me that I had 9 wonderful years and 10 counting the time that it was really just him and I, with him in my womb. But I long for so much more. 💔