The Calm Before The Storm

I’m the midst of the what ifs, guilt and regret from that day, there are little things that make me feel closer to Jonathan. I remember in such detail the specifics of that last day with him.

This picture was taken on one of our many trips to Aldi together, some time ago. The kids have a love/hate relationship with Aldi because they miss the name brands but are so happy when I come home with double what we could afford elsewhere. (No this is not an ad)

So that evening, I picked up J and K from school and got Chicken Kitchen dinner, we had scraped together lunches that day but we got extra for lunch the next day, because I hadn’t gone to Aldi yet after the busy weekend. I knew that Jonathan was not thrilled to take CK for lunch the next day, so I told him I would go to Aldi while Katie was at piano.

After coming home, I helped him finish up some math hw, there were a few problems we were going to finish in the morning. I remember telling him how smart he was because I didn’t have to explain each one to him.

We cut his fingernails before bed and I told him that I was going to give him a bath the next day because obviously it was hard for him with one hand, since he had a cast on one.

After tucking him in, that was often when he realized he hadn’t fed his fish, “Wait Mom, can you feed my fish? Just 3 pebbles”. Most nights I told him he could feed him in the morning. That night I told him ok. He said, “what about devotions?” and because it was late I told him we would do it tomorrow.

I told him once last time that I loved him and J, K and I said our nightly routine, “I love you, God loves you more, sweet dreams, sleep tight, don’t let the bed bugs bite and I’ll see you in the morning.”

It may be silly and I know when he woke up in Jesus’ arms it didn’t matter to him anymore but it brings me some peace that he fell asleep knowing his fish was fed and that he didn’t have to have Chicken Kitchen for lunch the next day. And that he was so loved. ❤️