It’s Gonna be May (I couldn’t resist)

Last week as I was adding our next family counseling session to the calendar for May 11, I noticed that the 10th was Mother’s Day. I felt my heart sink, I felt all that heartache of one of my babies not being here to celebrate with me on that special day and then the next day being 3 months since his passing. I thought to myself, that’s going to be a tough few days. Picturing myself not wanting to get out of bed, not because I’m working from bed but because I don’t want to face the reality that is my world. I let myself sit in that for a few minutes with tears rolling down my face, I shared my thoughts and feelings with Anthony then I got up and told myself that I will get through it when it comes.

There is no doubt that those days are going to be physically and emotionally difficult but there is so much to also celebrate. There are so many other days in the month that will signify celebration on this earth, and in this moment I need to focus my time and energy on those in order to have enough joy stored up to battle to the light at the end of the tunnel.

Alayna Joy Simpson

First off I have to celebrate the one and only, Alayna Joy Simpson, who made me a mother. She was a surprise to me when I found out about her impending arrival but she was loved and cherished from the very beginning. And I know God was preparing her just for me.

I remember going home for lunch from work and thinking to myself, “Did I just pee myself?” Only to find out that my water broke and she would make her entrance into our world later that night, May 25, 2004. 2 weeks early but right on time.

Born along with her and all God will do in her and through her, was a God dream that has been developing over the past almost 16 years now. Little by little I have gotten new details, revelations and focuses and have written them on the same paper. Adding updates along the way with the date so I can look back and see how God has been faithful. 

Other celebrations

• in just a few days is my brother, Simon’s birthday

• my niece Zoe’s birthday on the 17th

• my father in law’s birthday

• Grandma Burke's birthday in heaven

• 2 good friend’s birthdays and many others, that Facebook will remind me about.

• As well as celebrating my mother, grandmother, sister and all the fellow mothers and mother figures in my life.

And to finish out the month, the biggest kickoff to summer weekend, Memorial Day. Where we get to celebrate in remembrance of those that have given their lives in active military service for our freedoms.

So in the remembrance of my son, I will try my best to focus on celebrating all those that I am still walking this life with and hold on to his memories, while making new ones. 

Come back to this post anytime you need to refocus, I know I will be a lot. ❤️