Firsts and Lasts
February 2, 2020
This was an amazing day in downtown Miami with Alayna. We took the Metro, road the loop, attended church in the park, walked around the city in the cool weather and finally decided on having pizza and wings. Kind of like we were in the Big Apple but with palm trees. It was also Super Bowl Sunday in Miami, so the city was abuzz with excitement and tourist from all over the country. The perfect picture of a special day in more “normal” times.
Normal is a word we now use for pre - Covid, but for our family — normal — was a few weeks prior to Covid lockdowns. During the lockdowns, we would try to find our new normal. Such a blessing in disguise, I am thankful for small unexpected mercies.
Small mercies of not dropping Katie to school and passing Jonathan’s, not making lunches for 2 instead of 3, not driving in the car and having an empty seat, having time to revamp the bedrooms and have bittersweet moments of it all being different but thankful that it was new, taking time to create family picture collages on our walls to keep the memories alive, time to walk to the cemetery and sit, cry, dream and pray, time to mourn with the world as life was changing for all of us, whether big or small.
Firsts and Lasts
Over the last almost year(just shy of 9 days), it has been a field of landmines of firsts just waiting to blow up in our faces. First Mother’s Day, First Father’s Day, First Birthdays, First Thanksgiving, First Christmas, First New Years and first every other day of the year that doesn’t have a special celebration, only that Buddy is not present.
I feel like we have been climbing up this mountain leading to that unthinkable, First 1 year anniversary...
Then yesterday the firsts stopped and I realized that I would now be counting down Jonathan’s lasts.
His last 1st of the month, his last time eating pizza and watching football with his dad, his last group photo, his last visit with his Grandpa and Grandmax, his last time at Alayna’s swim meet, his last time complaining bc he was bored waiting, his last full week of school, his last time practicing his lines with Katie for his school play, his last time at church, his last time looking for his shoes, his last homework packet, the last time I would wrap his cast to take a bath, his last kiss goodnight and telling him “I love you”.
We had reached the peak and are now taking the rocky hike down the mountain and headed for the last of his firsts...his first day in heaven.
We will then start our journey through another year without our little Buddy, of which I’m sure will have its own highs and lows, one after the other until the day comes and I hear my Heavenly Father say, “Well done, good and faithful servant”.
Until that day, I will keep my eyes on the One that is unchanging, immovable and steadfast through each of life’s trials and triumphs — in an ever changing, anything but normal world. ❤️
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10
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